don't know why but im in love with this tree in my backyard :)
oh &&
this is in my new town :)
loved it the first time i saw it,
and can't wait to see it anytime i want!
makes me happy!
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Fresh Air
THOUGHTS OF THE DAY:
So im trying to only focuss on the positive, and thank God for all the blessings he has given me!
Im truely sinking in his grace... Im currently asking why me? Why out of everyone he called me to be great, even though I continually dissapoint him in so many ways. Im trying to get through these last two months of school without any more regrets. There is only 11 more weeks till check out, and 12 till graduation. I never thought I would look forward to leaving high school so much. Its funny how things change. I was talking to someone from Junior High yesterday and he said something about how it wasn't that long ago, but to me four years seems so long. I have changed so much, I don't even know that girl anymore. My new focuss is making my self not feel blame for everything, I always get my self wrapped up in other peoples issues, cause im a fixer. I realize that God's the fixer, I can't do anything. Sometimes im way too nice. My new favorite thing is driving home from wasco, music blasting, and windows rolled down :) So refreshing and all is well :)
So I decided to do the 25 random things about me:
1. Im beyond emotional.
2. My best memories of high school I remember by the weather, mostly wind.
3. I wish chewing tobacco was acceptable for girls, and didn't rot your teeth.
4. I want to live a country song.
5. Wasco is the best and worst thing that happened to me.
6. Mary Baker is the only one out of all my friends who knows the real me.
7. I often scare my sister driving to school in the morning.
8. My parents are right more than I want to admit.
9. I have extremely high expectations that never get reached.
10. Im alot more tough than you think.
11. I only listen to music that I can relate to.
12. I have no patience.
13. I'm actually starting to enoy facebook.
14. I have a lazy eye, but don't ask to see it.
15. Im good at things, never great.
16. I will do anything for almost anyone.
17. I sweat like a guy.
18. I would really like to know why i'm so attracted to cowboys :)
19. Im the biggest poser there is.
20. I lie too much.
21. I live on junk food.
22. I'm always too good of a girlfriend.
23. I make friends easy, keeping them is where i struggle.
24. I really want to record at least one of my songs and have it play on the radio, or give it to the person it is about.
25. I try to fit in too much.
MUSIC:
LADY ANTEBELLUM; kind in love <3
SONG OF THE DAY:
I Run To You by. Lady Antebellum.
so i never listen to anything that doesn't relate to me, but i think if you change a few lines in this song it could totally be about a relationship with God. "When lies become the truth, thats when I run to you." This line is how I totally feel about me and God right now. I'm running to him.
CRAVINGS:
My trip next week :)
Fresh air.
Baseball season.
Big pickles and sno cones :)
People to see Jesus in me.
My tattoo.
Hanging out with Mary and Melissa.
So im trying to only focuss on the positive, and thank God for all the blessings he has given me!
Im truely sinking in his grace... Im currently asking why me? Why out of everyone he called me to be great, even though I continually dissapoint him in so many ways. Im trying to get through these last two months of school without any more regrets. There is only 11 more weeks till check out, and 12 till graduation. I never thought I would look forward to leaving high school so much. Its funny how things change. I was talking to someone from Junior High yesterday and he said something about how it wasn't that long ago, but to me four years seems so long. I have changed so much, I don't even know that girl anymore. My new focuss is making my self not feel blame for everything, I always get my self wrapped up in other peoples issues, cause im a fixer. I realize that God's the fixer, I can't do anything. Sometimes im way too nice. My new favorite thing is driving home from wasco, music blasting, and windows rolled down :) So refreshing and all is well :)
So I decided to do the 25 random things about me:
1. Im beyond emotional.
2. My best memories of high school I remember by the weather, mostly wind.
3. I wish chewing tobacco was acceptable for girls, and didn't rot your teeth.
4. I want to live a country song.
5. Wasco is the best and worst thing that happened to me.
6. Mary Baker is the only one out of all my friends who knows the real me.
7. I often scare my sister driving to school in the morning.
8. My parents are right more than I want to admit.
9. I have extremely high expectations that never get reached.
10. Im alot more tough than you think.
11. I only listen to music that I can relate to.
12. I have no patience.
13. I'm actually starting to enoy facebook.
14. I have a lazy eye, but don't ask to see it.
15. Im good at things, never great.
16. I will do anything for almost anyone.
17. I sweat like a guy.
18. I would really like to know why i'm so attracted to cowboys :)
19. Im the biggest poser there is.
20. I lie too much.
21. I live on junk food.
22. I'm always too good of a girlfriend.
23. I make friends easy, keeping them is where i struggle.
24. I really want to record at least one of my songs and have it play on the radio, or give it to the person it is about.
25. I try to fit in too much.
MUSIC:
LADY ANTEBELLUM; kind in love <3
SONG OF THE DAY:
I Run To You by. Lady Antebellum.
so i never listen to anything that doesn't relate to me, but i think if you change a few lines in this song it could totally be about a relationship with God. "When lies become the truth, thats when I run to you." This line is how I totally feel about me and God right now. I'm running to him.
CRAVINGS:
My trip next week :)
Fresh air.
Baseball season.
Big pickles and sno cones :)
People to see Jesus in me.
My tattoo.
Hanging out with Mary and Melissa.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
happy baby :)
THOUGHTS FOR TODAY:
I love spontanaity :D You know it is everyday you get the urge to cut your hair in class and ditch with a friend who ends up cutting it for you :) Britt did a really good job, and glad i let go of my growing out buisness lol Its so amazing how happy you can be when your consience is clear. I just feel so renewed and refreshed! Lasts night church service was absolutely amazing and am so glad i'm making it a habit to go :) The song Oh how he loves us ministers to me so so much. "If grace is an ocean im sinking in it," that line gets me everytime along with "I don't have to dwell on these regrets when I think about his love." ahhh so so good :) Im on the four day mark with no addiction :) I have faith in my self and trust in the Lord that its totally going to be possible to overcome forever! Thankfully, my back is getting better slowly but surely, can't wait till all the pain is gone!
To make everything perfect I want someone to deliver me a boquet of these:
oh so pretty and happy :)
SONG OF THE DAY:
Oh How He Loves Us by Jesus Culture :)
CRAVINGS:
A photo shoot
Boquet of Gerber Daisies
Acrilic nails (too bad I play gutiar)
My tattoo
Belly button peircing
SUMMER
College <3
I love spontanaity :D You know it is everyday you get the urge to cut your hair in class and ditch with a friend who ends up cutting it for you :) Britt did a really good job, and glad i let go of my growing out buisness lol Its so amazing how happy you can be when your consience is clear. I just feel so renewed and refreshed! Lasts night church service was absolutely amazing and am so glad i'm making it a habit to go :) The song Oh how he loves us ministers to me so so much. "If grace is an ocean im sinking in it," that line gets me everytime along with "I don't have to dwell on these regrets when I think about his love." ahhh so so good :) Im on the four day mark with no addiction :) I have faith in my self and trust in the Lord that its totally going to be possible to overcome forever! Thankfully, my back is getting better slowly but surely, can't wait till all the pain is gone!
To make everything perfect I want someone to deliver me a boquet of these:
oh so pretty and happy :)
SONG OF THE DAY:
Oh How He Loves Us by Jesus Culture :)
CRAVINGS:
A photo shoot
Boquet of Gerber Daisies
Acrilic nails (too bad I play gutiar)
My tattoo
Belly button peircing
SUMMER
College <3
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
i wish i didn't have a heart.
THOUGHTS OF THE DAY:
My name is Hillarie Hypocrite Hight, I swear. It completely blows when you know your lifestyle sucks and youre not doing anything about it. Im living to survive for today, not survive for enternity. Im completely lost right now. Im becoming someone I hate. I don't know how to start fixing everything. I know God is missing, but giving up everything is so hard. Its times like this when I wish I was a nerd still and have no friends. My relationship with God was so on fire, and I accepted every calling on my life. Im currently ignoring everything. I know where Im going to college is the right thing to do, and can't wait till I go. These past two weeks have been a disaster... can't get out of it.
Im really happy Im going to youth group again, last night I needed so much. This whole process is going to be long and hard, and Im not ready for the pain. There is this song a friend showed me today called Tin Man by Kenny Chesney and right now I really wish I didn't have a heart. My scars are open wounds again. Im not very good at keeping them covered. Last night my uncle told me to stop thinking of the past....but its hard when my past is my present. I hate having this addiction. HATE IT.
MUSIC:
Everything I listen to affects me. EVERYTHING.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Tin Man by Kenny Chesney
CRAVINGS:
Peace
Graduation
The trip to missouri to register
To curl up in a ball and not talk to ANYONE
To feel something good, thats healthy
Contentment
My name is Hillarie Hypocrite Hight, I swear. It completely blows when you know your lifestyle sucks and youre not doing anything about it. Im living to survive for today, not survive for enternity. Im completely lost right now. Im becoming someone I hate. I don't know how to start fixing everything. I know God is missing, but giving up everything is so hard. Its times like this when I wish I was a nerd still and have no friends. My relationship with God was so on fire, and I accepted every calling on my life. Im currently ignoring everything. I know where Im going to college is the right thing to do, and can't wait till I go. These past two weeks have been a disaster... can't get out of it.
Im really happy Im going to youth group again, last night I needed so much. This whole process is going to be long and hard, and Im not ready for the pain. There is this song a friend showed me today called Tin Man by Kenny Chesney and right now I really wish I didn't have a heart. My scars are open wounds again. Im not very good at keeping them covered. Last night my uncle told me to stop thinking of the past....but its hard when my past is my present. I hate having this addiction. HATE IT.
MUSIC:
Everything I listen to affects me. EVERYTHING.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Tin Man by Kenny Chesney
CRAVINGS:
Peace
Graduation
The trip to missouri to register
To curl up in a ball and not talk to ANYONE
To feel something good, thats healthy
Contentment
Monday, February 9, 2009
change of senery.
THOUGHTS OF THE DAY:
So this weekend has been really wierd. I haven't been this stupid in along long time. The consequences to every action of mine are ridiculous. It seems like my punishments are ten times worse than everyone elses, probably because im so convicted, which is good, but it makes me have a headache!!! Yea the weekend was fun, slept a whole heck of alot but now im sick :(
Really need high schoool to be over. There are some relationships that I really wish I could just get rid of, but am protecting till graduation, just for the sake of an easier three months. Im so glad my car is now working properly and that will let me have a break from some of my restraints. Start working again tomorrow and im really happy, I need the cash flow.
I hate that im the type of person that can't just be content. I have some good friends, but the closer I get to them, the more and more annoyed I get with there habits. I never thought I would have commintment issues but I do. I rush into commintment like its nothing and give up my all, then half way into it I realize that I can't handle it and then do something dumb. Im really trying to prevent doing something else dumb, cause I need the friendships for now. This sounds completely horible but its the honest truth. After these three months are over I can focuss alot better. I won't have to be fake to anyone like im currently being. There are only about a handful of people im not fake to or something other than I really am, and none of them are at school. I skew a little bit of me to make relationships work, and it always backfires. ALWAYS.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Thinking of You by Katy Perry
CRAVINGS:
Get through New Moon
For frankenstien to dissapear
My sinus infection to go away
High School to be overrrrrrrr
College life
New setting
So this weekend has been really wierd. I haven't been this stupid in along long time. The consequences to every action of mine are ridiculous. It seems like my punishments are ten times worse than everyone elses, probably because im so convicted, which is good, but it makes me have a headache!!! Yea the weekend was fun, slept a whole heck of alot but now im sick :(
Really need high schoool to be over. There are some relationships that I really wish I could just get rid of, but am protecting till graduation, just for the sake of an easier three months. Im so glad my car is now working properly and that will let me have a break from some of my restraints. Start working again tomorrow and im really happy, I need the cash flow.
I hate that im the type of person that can't just be content. I have some good friends, but the closer I get to them, the more and more annoyed I get with there habits. I never thought I would have commintment issues but I do. I rush into commintment like its nothing and give up my all, then half way into it I realize that I can't handle it and then do something dumb. Im really trying to prevent doing something else dumb, cause I need the friendships for now. This sounds completely horible but its the honest truth. After these three months are over I can focuss alot better. I won't have to be fake to anyone like im currently being. There are only about a handful of people im not fake to or something other than I really am, and none of them are at school. I skew a little bit of me to make relationships work, and it always backfires. ALWAYS.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Thinking of You by Katy Perry
CRAVINGS:
Get through New Moon
For frankenstien to dissapear
My sinus infection to go away
High School to be overrrrrrrr
College life
New setting
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
A little something exciting...
THOUGHTS FOR THE DAY:
I got my license today :) But ofcourse since its me there was a huge roadblock!!! My car didn't start this morning so I took the test in my mom's car which i hate!!!! Ofcourse when I got back my car magically started! So I drove to Russo's to get a Almanac so I wouldn't have to lose the 20 points for missing block day in Mr. Russell's class. So finally I have some independence :) I have some places that have been long overdue to visit.
These past few weeks i've had so much motivation to be a good student again, and its going away. I know the reason why, and I hate it. Learning to be alone and be my own self motivator is really hard. I need a constant boost. I'm so glad that I finally can start faithfully going to youth group starting this next Tuesday. I need to feel something anything. God has a plan for me and I need to seek it. These words are so easy to say and type, but are so hard to follow. I have so many scars on my heart and just need them to be erased.
The words to songs aren't coming to me. I just want something thats going to relieve stress, a good song does that for me. My prayers seem so unanswered lately. I don't handle silence very well. The Lord is my Strength and my Song, both are no where right now. It'll all work out im sure.
There is a song by casting crowns that is called prayer for a friend, and the lyrics keep running through my head... My life is out of my hands I realize but its hard to wake up and trust in that.
MUSIC:
Need some lyrics.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Don't have one :(
CRAVINGS:
Breathing country air
A reliable car!!!
Graduation
Contentment
I got my license today :) But ofcourse since its me there was a huge roadblock!!! My car didn't start this morning so I took the test in my mom's car which i hate!!!! Ofcourse when I got back my car magically started! So I drove to Russo's to get a Almanac so I wouldn't have to lose the 20 points for missing block day in Mr. Russell's class. So finally I have some independence :) I have some places that have been long overdue to visit.
These past few weeks i've had so much motivation to be a good student again, and its going away. I know the reason why, and I hate it. Learning to be alone and be my own self motivator is really hard. I need a constant boost. I'm so glad that I finally can start faithfully going to youth group starting this next Tuesday. I need to feel something anything. God has a plan for me and I need to seek it. These words are so easy to say and type, but are so hard to follow. I have so many scars on my heart and just need them to be erased.
The words to songs aren't coming to me. I just want something thats going to relieve stress, a good song does that for me. My prayers seem so unanswered lately. I don't handle silence very well. The Lord is my Strength and my Song, both are no where right now. It'll all work out im sure.
There is a song by casting crowns that is called prayer for a friend, and the lyrics keep running through my head... My life is out of my hands I realize but its hard to wake up and trust in that.
MUSIC:
Need some lyrics.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Don't have one :(
CRAVINGS:
Breathing country air
A reliable car!!!
Graduation
Contentment
Monday, February 2, 2009
So much for that...
THOUGHTS OF THE DAY:
I can't seem to get on here and write as much as I would like: but here's my thoughts for this last week. I have had the worst Senioritis imaginable and can't seem to make it go away. Snowball was alot of fun and im glad I got to share with people that mean so much to me. I love to dance and really wish i could have a dance every weekend. However, amongst all the excitement im in a rut again. Just when I think everything is going good it crashes. I have two weeks of complete happiness and then something wrong happens. I don't understand it. I hate crying and I thought i was over it, but i've been upset all day today and yesterday. There is some target on my heart that won't go away. I need God to rescue me so bad. I'm really sick of my emotional rollercoaster ride. I decided not to swim this year, and as much as its killing me I think its going to be the right decision...I can only put my heart through so much. Last years season was awesome, but this year is not going to be the same at all, and I think the let down of that would crush me. Right now im trying to think God has my life under control, but I don't feel him. I need closure. I've been trying to fill my life with everything to get rid of this hole. I'm so worried that these last few weeks have been in vain. I need a constant friend who is there for me, I can't just go day to day by myself. Being alone scares me so much. I had something that fixed that, and now im scared even the friendship is gone. I liked the challenge I got the thrill of it all, even minus the romance or whatever. Friendships mean everything to me, I don't want to lose this one again. I need more strength then ever right now if i'm gonna make it, and alot of encouragement.
MUSIC:
I need to listen to more positive music,
and I need to write.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Always by. Hillsong
CRAVINGS:
My eyes to stop itching
License (which i hopefully will have Wednesday)
The country
The presence of God in my life
AP lit to die
Missouri and a new start
Summer weather
Graduation
I can't seem to get on here and write as much as I would like: but here's my thoughts for this last week. I have had the worst Senioritis imaginable and can't seem to make it go away. Snowball was alot of fun and im glad I got to share with people that mean so much to me. I love to dance and really wish i could have a dance every weekend. However, amongst all the excitement im in a rut again. Just when I think everything is going good it crashes. I have two weeks of complete happiness and then something wrong happens. I don't understand it. I hate crying and I thought i was over it, but i've been upset all day today and yesterday. There is some target on my heart that won't go away. I need God to rescue me so bad. I'm really sick of my emotional rollercoaster ride. I decided not to swim this year, and as much as its killing me I think its going to be the right decision...I can only put my heart through so much. Last years season was awesome, but this year is not going to be the same at all, and I think the let down of that would crush me. Right now im trying to think God has my life under control, but I don't feel him. I need closure. I've been trying to fill my life with everything to get rid of this hole. I'm so worried that these last few weeks have been in vain. I need a constant friend who is there for me, I can't just go day to day by myself. Being alone scares me so much. I had something that fixed that, and now im scared even the friendship is gone. I liked the challenge I got the thrill of it all, even minus the romance or whatever. Friendships mean everything to me, I don't want to lose this one again. I need more strength then ever right now if i'm gonna make it, and alot of encouragement.
MUSIC:
I need to listen to more positive music,
and I need to write.
SONG OF THE DAY:
Always by. Hillsong
CRAVINGS:
My eyes to stop itching
License (which i hopefully will have Wednesday)
The country
The presence of God in my life
AP lit to die
Missouri and a new start
Summer weather
Graduation
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